03/30/19

What To Do When You Don't Fit In

Much of my life, I have felt very much outside the box.

I grew up a middle child who was VERY different to her siblings. I ruffled the feathers of my teachers, I challenged the status quo of my parents (much to their disdain) and often found myself on the outside looking in, wondering why I was the one who didn't comply like everyone else.

I felt like this often as a child and figured things would change when I grew up and moved out and did 'my own thing' and found my own people...

The thing was, it didn't change.

I remember dreaming REALLY big as a teenager - writing down my 10 year plan, declaring boldly that I would be the first female CEO of NBC in New York City... and while on track to reach that goal, I discovered I just didn't fit working in the corporate head office of Australia's premier TV network…

Many years have progressed and the feelings have never subsided... If anything, they had increased and I wrestled with what to do with them - oftentimes pushing them down because I didn't want to believe what I thought they revealed - that I wasn't good enough and that I would never belong.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I was challenged to the core about these feelings. I was in New York City, pounding the pavement on a way to meeting, listening to Brene Brown’s new book, Braving The Wilderness and all of a sudden tears started streaming down my face.

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

It was almost as though there was a whisper from heaven confirming everything that I had always suspected - I don’t fit in. I was never going to fit in. But there was an important reason for it.

See if you’re anything like me, you’ve wrestled with these feelings too. You’ve wrongly labeled yourself a failure. You’ve told yourself you don’t have what it takes to succeed. You wonder if anything you create is of any value… and I want to tell you today, that this is a lie that has held you back for too long.

The reality is, if you’ve ever felt like this, it’s probably because you were not designed to fit in, you were created to stand out!

The sheer fact that you don’t fit in is a GIFT. I see you roll your eyes but it’s actually true!

Think about it from this perspective. You’ve been given a unique way of seeing things so very differently to how the rest of the world does. Many creative entrepreneurs see this way because it gives us an edge to see new ideas and possibilities.

Steve Jobs nailed it when he talked about “the crazy ones; the misfits; the rebels; the troublemakers; the round pegs in the square holes; the ones who see things differently.”

He said, “they’re not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them; glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things. They push the human race forward. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

The price is high - yes. It’s true. There will be times where it will feel lonely and nobody will understand you, but the reward truly is great. The perspectives you bring and the very things you create will blaze a new trail that many others will be able to follow down… The only question is, will you embrace your calling - or will you spend your life running from it?

How To Embrace Your Unique Calling

1. Stay true to what you feel you’re called to.

It’s easy to run away from what you’re called to because others don’t agree with it, or most likely, they don’t understand it… However, it’s important to press into what you KNOW you’re meant to do. You weren’t created to receive the applause of many, you were created for a very unique purpose. Don’t sacrifice your unique and much needed contribution to the world for the sake of ‘fitting in’.

2. Find others who have also blazed new trails and stay close. 

It’s important to find like minded people who are taking similar risks and living outside their comfort zones. You’re not always going to have access to them. Heck these mentors might not ever know your name, but there is much to be said for having mentors from afar. Right now, I don’t know ANYONE who is doing what I’m doing - running a kids language company, leading creative teams in church and empowering women in business… It’s such an odd combination - however I’ve found great strength from strong women who are out of the box in their thinking. Podcasts have become a favourite pastime of encouragement - start with ‘How I Built This’ by Guy Raz and you’ll find many, many women who are blazing new paths. Get curious and do some research and you’ll quickly discover you’re not alone!

3. Build Your Tribe

I guarantee if you feel this way, there are many, many, many others behind you who are also feeling the same way too. Create a space to connect with others who are unsure about how to move forward. Post about your experiences on social media, start a conversation. You’ll quickly discover that there are people out there who are looking for a place to belong too. They just didn’t have the courage to create that place for themselves. You’ll also be amazed at how much further on the journey you are to others too. Remember, you reap what you sow - so be intentional about sowing relationship. Don’t retreat from it, as it’s the very thing that will isolate you all the more!

All my love and cheering you onwards and upwards!

We’re in together my friend!

xx